Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed!
So there I was, sitting at the divider end of a 3-seat bench on the R train this morning, on my way to work after the 3-day weekend, finally reading Brick Lane by Monica Ali – my Mum gave it to me 2 years ago. The train was a little crowded, with a few people standing. Due to the stupid design of these seats, 3 average sized people can barely sit in comfort – if not wearing winter coats, so most often, the middle seat is empty. The most common exceptions to this rule are when very narrow hipped women slip almost unnoticed into the gap and very broad hipped women overspill the available space, spreading their weight between the seat and their unfortunate neighbours.
This morning, a short and slender woman who should not have had any problems slotting in, made a beeline for the gap to my left. She immediately started muttering angrily and nudging right and left until her shoulders had replaced mine and those of the woman at the other end of the bench. She continued her muttering. Was it in English or Polish? I didn’t care! Her nonsense was far less compelling to me than Massive Attack, who were soothing my senses by way of my iPod. The first woman couldn’t take it anymore and moved away. The crazy woman, instead of moving to the end of the bench, turned her attention and tirade fully on me. I said: “I’m sorry for being me. If this divider wasn’t to my right, maybe I could make a little more room. But it is there and I am as wide as I am.” And I reclaimed the original resting place for my left shoulder. She cursed again, elbowed me in the chest and stormed off. Did somebody say hyper-tension?
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This morning, a short and slender woman who should not have had any problems slotting in, made a beeline for the gap to my left. She immediately started muttering angrily and nudging right and left until her shoulders had replaced mine and those of the woman at the other end of the bench. She continued her muttering. Was it in English or Polish? I didn’t care! Her nonsense was far less compelling to me than Massive Attack, who were soothing my senses by way of my iPod. The first woman couldn’t take it anymore and moved away. The crazy woman, instead of moving to the end of the bench, turned her attention and tirade fully on me. I said: “I’m sorry for being me. If this divider wasn’t to my right, maybe I could make a little more room. But it is there and I am as wide as I am.” And I reclaimed the original resting place for my left shoulder. She cursed again, elbowed me in the chest and stormed off. Did somebody say hyper-tension?
Monday, January 15, 2007
I’m confused!
I have seen commercials for the Infinity Razor the last two evenings. Last night, it was $14.95, with a ‘free’ Micro Trimmer, “a $15 value” and a free 7” chef’s knife, “a $30 value”. “A $55 value, yours for only $14.95”. I worked it out. If the ‘freebies are worth $45 and the package is worth $55, this means that the razor is only worth $10 – even with the lifetime replacement guarantee.
Today, with the same ‘free’ gifts, the price is $19.95, but you do get another razor ‘free’. However, that package is an $85 ‘value’. This means that each razor is ‘worth’ $20 today. That’s 100% inflation since yesterday. At that rate, they will be worth $2,560 by this time next week! Buy now while you can still afford them!!
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Today, with the same ‘free’ gifts, the price is $19.95, but you do get another razor ‘free’. However, that package is an $85 ‘value’. This means that each razor is ‘worth’ $20 today. That’s 100% inflation since yesterday. At that rate, they will be worth $2,560 by this time next week! Buy now while you can still afford them!!
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Sunshine silhouettes
On clear, sunny winter mornings, this is what Wall Street looks like. The illusion is of the Sun seemingly rising above the East River, just beyond the South Street Seaport. I had been thinking that my next pair of glasses should have anti-glare lenses, but would they make much of a difference?
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Two nights on the town
For the second weekend in a row, Susan and I left Hoboken for an evening in New York. On New Years Eve, we had gone to the famous Birdland. This place is something out of a 1940’s film set and if you’ve never been there and don’t hate Jazz, treat yourself to a show there. Order the Collared Greens!
This weekend, Hannah joined us as we went for a meal at Emporium Brasil on 46th Street, with my cousin Delia, her husband Jon and their lovely 4 year old, Lucy. They were over from England. I have to recommend the place. Each of us thoroughly enjoyed our meals. And 5 adult meals, a bowl of Pasta for little Lucy, two glasses of wine and a few sodas came to just over $160 with tip, which was included. Great food and most reasonable.
This weekend, Hannah joined us as we went for a meal at Emporium Brasil on 46th Street, with my cousin Delia, her husband Jon and their lovely 4 year old, Lucy. They were over from England. I have to recommend the place. Each of us thoroughly enjoyed our meals. And 5 adult meals, a bowl of Pasta for little Lucy, two glasses of wine and a few sodas came to just over $160 with tip, which was included. Great food and most reasonable.
After the meal, Susan and I went to St. Andrews Pub on 44th Street. This is New York's only Scottish Pub - all of the bar staff are Scottish and all wear kilts. They have excellent live folk music and draft Strongbow; and when Susan asked Roger, the friendliest bartender/waiter anywhere, what was under his kilt, he showed her. Maybe this doesn’t answer the age-old question about what all Scotsmen wear under their kilts, but Roger wears nothing! Co-incidentally, at the next table to us, there were 4 people visiting from Susan’s neck of the woods – Scranton and Hazleton. One of them took this picture.
Glowing Pigs
I caught a glimpse of this picture from a distance, as a colleague was looking at it. The poor things have been genetically engineered to express a green jellyfish protein. We are supposed to believe that the skills gained by the scientists in this endeavour will help in the development of medical treatments based on stem cells. Surely, this is science gone mad, but it did spur some amusing conversation:
Noel: They could be used to cut down on electricity bills. Everyone could have a few of them running around their homes.
After a little more banter:
Noel: They could be used to cut down on electricity bills. Everyone could have a few of them running around their homes.
After a little more banter:
Noel: They might need a dimmer switch!
Me, joking about a possible night time scenario: "Turn off the damned pig! I'm trying to get some sleep!"
I mentioned to this to Joel, who is an Orthodox Jew, and said that they'd have to come up with a kosher one. But sheep wool would work against the process, cows are too big and goats eat everything.
I mentioned to this to Joel, who is an Orthodox Jew, and said that they'd have to come up with a kosher one. But sheep wool would work against the process, cows are too big and goats eat everything.
Joel: You could have a remote control for it.
Me: You'd just have an expanded universal remote: TV, VCR, DVD, Cable, Pig.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Passing the buck
In January 2001, George W. Bush inherited the largest ever US budget surplus. It took him a little more than 2 years to break the record deficit, set by his Father in 1991. He did this largely by instituting large-scale tax cuts for his sponsors – wealthy individuals and corporations. All evidence that Social Security was going bankrupt, while not being ignored, was treated rather like vehicle emissions: ‘we know it needs fixing, but it’s too expensive. We hope that the problem goes away by itself, but if it doesn’t, someone else can deal with it later.’
Well it seems that later has just arrived. On the very day that the Republicans have ceded control of Congress for the first time in his Presidency, 'W' has announced that the budget should be balanced by 2012 – 3 years after his term ends. Taxes will need to be raised for this to happen. I can just hear the comments from the red states and other people who talk without thinking or referencing facts: ‘Damned Democrats! As soon as they take control, up go the taxes!’
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Well it seems that later has just arrived. On the very day that the Republicans have ceded control of Congress for the first time in his Presidency, 'W' has announced that the budget should be balanced by 2012 – 3 years after his term ends. Taxes will need to be raised for this to happen. I can just hear the comments from the red states and other people who talk without thinking or referencing facts: ‘Damned Democrats! As soon as they take control, up go the taxes!’
Perfect timing!
On Tuesday, I was asked to take part in some necessary testing on the floor of the Stock Exchange that would be taking place on Wednesday evening. Wednesday is one of my gym days and I didn’t want to miss out. NYSC had a class at 5:30 and another at 6:15 which finished at 6:45. I could shower and be back at work by 7. But would the testing start late enough? I asked Alex, one of the managers, if I should bother bringing a kit bag. He joked that I should bring a pillow rather than workout gear.
Wednesday: My order with Overstock.com was delivered to the office - two memory foam pillows. Perfect!
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Wednesday: My order with Overstock.com was delivered to the office - two memory foam pillows. Perfect!
Monday, January 01, 2007
Awful TV Commercials
You know those sealed packages that small appliances come in, that you can never open? Well now there’s a product to open them. This may actually be quite useful! I might just pay 5 bucks for it if I saw it by a checkout register. But you can’t buy just one. You must buy 2, plus two ‘ultimate’ scissors (?!) for $19.95 plus Shipping ad handling.
The same price (+ $5.95 shipping and handling) can also buy a CD seal opener AND a DVD seal opener. Viewers are assured that this is the ultimate gift for music and movie fans. Excuse me, but anyone looking to indulge my love of music for $26 would do far better buying me a gift certificate for Virgin Megastore. I suspect I’m in a majority of approximately 100% on this one!
The same $19.95 will buy you the Vidalia Chop Wizard. It is so amazing, “it can chop garlic! Onions! Tomatoes! Zucchini! Radishes! Apples! Shallots!” You get the picture! I did. But they carry on and on and on… and on, until… I turn the TV off in disgust!
"When you open your car door, a light comes on! When you open you refrigerator, a light comes on!" For $14.95, you can get 4 space lights, a $40 value, and have light wherever you need it – “BUT WAIT! We’ll double your order and give you 2 spotlights free! A $100 value! (???!!! Who the fuck would pay $100 for that? Value? Where do they pluck these numbers from!!!) You just pay (the unspecified) shipping and handling”.
There is one product, I can’t remember what, but it really doesn’t matter, where you pay $14.95 and then get 'free filters for life'. Is anyone actually stupid enough to believe this? The company promising this is basically designed to go bankrupt. These filters are free (you just pay for Shipping and Handling! Ha!) for the life of the company – not the purchaser! If there was such a thing as consumer protection in this country, ads like this would be illegal!
Lastly, there is a voice recorder to help you remember where you parked your car or left your head. But if you’re that forgetful, I’d wager that you would forget to take this device with you. I’d use it to record reminders about the inane commercials I see on TV so that I can write about them later. Incidentally, I think the first actress you see went to the same acting school as the “help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” woman. Maybe it is her. Surely there can't be two such naturally gifted and brilliant actresses in the world! Judi Dench, eat your heart out!
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The same price (+ $5.95 shipping and handling) can also buy a CD seal opener AND a DVD seal opener. Viewers are assured that this is the ultimate gift for music and movie fans. Excuse me, but anyone looking to indulge my love of music for $26 would do far better buying me a gift certificate for Virgin Megastore. I suspect I’m in a majority of approximately 100% on this one!
The same $19.95 will buy you the Vidalia Chop Wizard. It is so amazing, “it can chop garlic! Onions! Tomatoes! Zucchini! Radishes! Apples! Shallots!” You get the picture! I did. But they carry on and on and on… and on, until… I turn the TV off in disgust!
"When you open your car door, a light comes on! When you open you refrigerator, a light comes on!" For $14.95, you can get 4 space lights, a $40 value, and have light wherever you need it – “BUT WAIT! We’ll double your order and give you 2 spotlights free! A $100 value! (???!!! Who the fuck would pay $100 for that? Value? Where do they pluck these numbers from!!!) You just pay (the unspecified) shipping and handling”.
There is one product, I can’t remember what, but it really doesn’t matter, where you pay $14.95 and then get 'free filters for life'. Is anyone actually stupid enough to believe this? The company promising this is basically designed to go bankrupt. These filters are free (you just pay for Shipping and Handling! Ha!) for the life of the company – not the purchaser! If there was such a thing as consumer protection in this country, ads like this would be illegal!
Lastly, there is a voice recorder to help you remember where you parked your car or left your head. But if you’re that forgetful, I’d wager that you would forget to take this device with you. I’d use it to record reminders about the inane commercials I see on TV so that I can write about them later. Incidentally, I think the first actress you see went to the same acting school as the “help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” woman. Maybe it is her. Surely there can't be two such naturally gifted and brilliant actresses in the world! Judi Dench, eat your heart out!
