Monday, January 01, 2007
Awful TV Commercials
You know those sealed packages that small appliances come in, that you can never open? Well now there’s a product to open them. This may actually be quite useful! I might just pay 5 bucks for it if I saw it by a checkout register. But you can’t buy just one. You must buy 2, plus two ‘ultimate’ scissors (?!) for $19.95 plus Shipping ad handling.
The same price (+ $5.95 shipping and handling) can also buy a CD seal opener AND a DVD seal opener. Viewers are assured that this is the ultimate gift for music and movie fans. Excuse me, but anyone looking to indulge my love of music for $26 would do far better buying me a gift certificate for Virgin Megastore. I suspect I’m in a majority of approximately 100% on this one!
The same $19.95 will buy you the Vidalia Chop Wizard. It is so amazing, “it can chop garlic! Onions! Tomatoes! Zucchini! Radishes! Apples! Shallots!” You get the picture! I did. But they carry on and on and on… and on, until… I turn the TV off in disgust!
"When you open your car door, a light comes on! When you open you refrigerator, a light comes on!" For $14.95, you can get 4 space lights, a $40 value, and have light wherever you need it – “BUT WAIT! We’ll double your order and give you 2 spotlights free! A $100 value! (???!!! Who the fuck would pay $100 for that? Value? Where do they pluck these numbers from!!!) You just pay (the unspecified) shipping and handling”.
There is one product, I can’t remember what, but it really doesn’t matter, where you pay $14.95 and then get 'free filters for life'. Is anyone actually stupid enough to believe this? The company promising this is basically designed to go bankrupt. These filters are free (you just pay for Shipping and Handling! Ha!) for the life of the company – not the purchaser! If there was such a thing as consumer protection in this country, ads like this would be illegal!
Lastly, there is a voice recorder to help you remember where you parked your car or left your head. But if you’re that forgetful, I’d wager that you would forget to take this device with you. I’d use it to record reminders about the inane commercials I see on TV so that I can write about them later. Incidentally, I think the first actress you see went to the same acting school as the “help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” woman. Maybe it is her. Surely there can't be two such naturally gifted and brilliant actresses in the world! Judi Dench, eat your heart out!
Viagra Online
The same price (+ $5.95 shipping and handling) can also buy a CD seal opener AND a DVD seal opener. Viewers are assured that this is the ultimate gift for music and movie fans. Excuse me, but anyone looking to indulge my love of music for $26 would do far better buying me a gift certificate for Virgin Megastore. I suspect I’m in a majority of approximately 100% on this one!
The same $19.95 will buy you the Vidalia Chop Wizard. It is so amazing, “it can chop garlic! Onions! Tomatoes! Zucchini! Radishes! Apples! Shallots!” You get the picture! I did. But they carry on and on and on… and on, until… I turn the TV off in disgust!
"When you open your car door, a light comes on! When you open you refrigerator, a light comes on!" For $14.95, you can get 4 space lights, a $40 value, and have light wherever you need it – “BUT WAIT! We’ll double your order and give you 2 spotlights free! A $100 value! (???!!! Who the fuck would pay $100 for that? Value? Where do they pluck these numbers from!!!) You just pay (the unspecified) shipping and handling”.
There is one product, I can’t remember what, but it really doesn’t matter, where you pay $14.95 and then get 'free filters for life'. Is anyone actually stupid enough to believe this? The company promising this is basically designed to go bankrupt. These filters are free (you just pay for Shipping and Handling! Ha!) for the life of the company – not the purchaser! If there was such a thing as consumer protection in this country, ads like this would be illegal!
Lastly, there is a voice recorder to help you remember where you parked your car or left your head. But if you’re that forgetful, I’d wager that you would forget to take this device with you. I’d use it to record reminders about the inane commercials I see on TV so that I can write about them later. Incidentally, I think the first actress you see went to the same acting school as the “help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” woman. Maybe it is her. Surely there can't be two such naturally gifted and brilliant actresses in the world! Judi Dench, eat your heart out!
