Scene and heard

Yes! Someone has finally invented a fishing rod you can carry with you at all times, in jacket pocket, backpack, glove box or briefcase. It looks like a pen, but unfolds into a full length, ‘strong alloy’ fishing rod. A young boy - not quite the new Olivier – exclaims: “Wow! I always catch fish with my Fishpen!” Even actors pretending to be amateur and professional fishermen agree that this is a wonderful thing as they can now go fishing on a whim, without any preparation needed. Nobody actually packs the ‘deluxe pouch’ (a $20 value, “yours free”) which holds the reel and tackle.

Worse than this, however, is that they double your order and send you two kits. “That’s an $80 value for only $39.99!” This means that if the order wasn’t doubled, you only save a penny! It also means that the ‘deluxe’ pouch isn’t free at all! If it was, this would be at least a $120 value! (Maybe it’s something like the classic Dunkin Donuts print ad from 15 or 20 years ago: “Get 6 donuts free when you buy 6 at the regular dozen price”)

What kind of TV offer doesn’t offer you at least a 75% discount before they double your order!! You know the ones. “That’s right! You get the amazing nostril douche, with fully washable earwax and toe-jam sponge attachments; a free lifetime supply of replacement sponges, and the free mirror with backlight! A three (excited emphasis) billion (even more excited emphasis) dollar value! Yours (!) for only two easy payments of nine ninety nine!” Save me from this dross!