Thursday, May 08, 2008
How do you move on when you are in limbo?
I have had a great time here in Boston. It has been an experience I will always cherish. Lovely city, really nice, friendly people, great job, plenty of bus stories to blog. But there is one negative bigger than me being away from home and not sleeping in my own bed for 5 days a week; bigger than dealing with an 11 hour door-to-door weekly round trip.
You see, I had exited a relationship in a most unsatisfactory way not long before I lost my job. It was one of those deals where it has been over for a while, but then something big happens to change and sour everything. But somehow, the manner of how things transpired, however apparently conclusive, never seemed right or in character. So I felt no closure, which is something I strive for and need. Added to that, the limbo of first not having a job, then not being home to get on with life, meant that what I should have moved on from, was rarely too far from my thoughts.
Everything swirled around in my head. The previous time this had become almost overwhelming, a few weeks ago, I wrote the history of events as a short story, in the 3rd person, never intending to do anything with it. It helped a lot. This time around, I tried something else. A letter, which I thought I would send as I was writing it, but slept on it and thought the better of sending the next day. Once again, this did the trick. It’s amazing how clarifying it can be to see your own thoughts in one place at one time, instead of letting them have free rein to wreak havoc on your mind and mood.
By Wednesday, when I heard very exciting details about a possible job opening that has yet to actually start accepting applications, my mind was very much more clear and I felt happy once again.
Had I been working in New York these last 4 months, I would possibly have become involved with someone new, but certainly have had more of a private life, more fun and less time on my hands. I am now looking forward to arriving home on Saturday, May 31st, hopefully with a job to start nearby already lined up or close to it, and actually getting back into my life.
I look forward to my last 3 weeks here with the same fond affection I will remember my stay. It is very easy now. Each week passes incredibly quickly and soon there will be no more. I find myself doing things I must do before I leave. I have tickets to see the Red Sox play at Fenway – how could I not! But I also look forward to getting back into the gym near my apartment and, here’s the masochist coming out once again, getting back onto the dating site that I so despise when I’m on there. It is exciting in prospect and when fresh, but quickly becomes frustrating.
At Passover, Jews say: “next year in Jerusalem.” By that time, Spurs fans (could this be a reason why so many Jews support the team?) say: “next year will be the year we finally get into the top 4.” So why shouldn't this Jewish Spurs fan have the refrain that next time on JDate I will meet the woman of my dreams? Ever the optimist!! Somehow, being a Jew, a Spurs fan and single at 50, are greatly complimentary!
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You see, I had exited a relationship in a most unsatisfactory way not long before I lost my job. It was one of those deals where it has been over for a while, but then something big happens to change and sour everything. But somehow, the manner of how things transpired, however apparently conclusive, never seemed right or in character. So I felt no closure, which is something I strive for and need. Added to that, the limbo of first not having a job, then not being home to get on with life, meant that what I should have moved on from, was rarely too far from my thoughts.
Everything swirled around in my head. The previous time this had become almost overwhelming, a few weeks ago, I wrote the history of events as a short story, in the 3rd person, never intending to do anything with it. It helped a lot. This time around, I tried something else. A letter, which I thought I would send as I was writing it, but slept on it and thought the better of sending the next day. Once again, this did the trick. It’s amazing how clarifying it can be to see your own thoughts in one place at one time, instead of letting them have free rein to wreak havoc on your mind and mood.
By Wednesday, when I heard very exciting details about a possible job opening that has yet to actually start accepting applications, my mind was very much more clear and I felt happy once again.
Had I been working in New York these last 4 months, I would possibly have become involved with someone new, but certainly have had more of a private life, more fun and less time on my hands. I am now looking forward to arriving home on Saturday, May 31st, hopefully with a job to start nearby already lined up or close to it, and actually getting back into my life.
I look forward to my last 3 weeks here with the same fond affection I will remember my stay. It is very easy now. Each week passes incredibly quickly and soon there will be no more. I find myself doing things I must do before I leave. I have tickets to see the Red Sox play at Fenway – how could I not! But I also look forward to getting back into the gym near my apartment and, here’s the masochist coming out once again, getting back onto the dating site that I so despise when I’m on there. It is exciting in prospect and when fresh, but quickly becomes frustrating.
At Passover, Jews say: “next year in Jerusalem.” By that time, Spurs fans (could this be a reason why so many Jews support the team?) say: “next year will be the year we finally get into the top 4.” So why shouldn't this Jewish Spurs fan have the refrain that next time on JDate I will meet the woman of my dreams? Ever the optimist!! Somehow, being a Jew, a Spurs fan and single at 50, are greatly complimentary!
