Scene and heard

You may be an asshole if you don’t make room for people to get off trains, particularly in the rush hour.

You are an asshole if you barge through the crowds trying to get off said train.


You may be an asshole if you stand in front of a turnstile in a train (Subway, Underground, Metro, etc.) station fumbling for your commuter pass.

You are an asshole if you stand in front of a turnstile in a train (Subway, Underground, Metro, etc.) station fumbling for your commuter pass in the rush hour.

You are a mega asshole if you stand in front of a turnstile in a train (Subway, Underground, Metro, etc.) station fumbling for your commuter pass in the rush hour while your friend or kid is standing in front of the neighboring turnstile either doing the same or waiting for your pass.


You may be an asshole if you come out of a store onto the pavement/sidewalk without looking, forcing those already there to have to stop in order to not clatter into you.

You are an asshole if you come out of a store onto the pavement/sidewalk without looking, forcing those already there to have to stop in order to not clatter into you in a busy place or during the rush hour.


You may be an asshole if you drive around corners without signaling.

You are an asshole if you drive around corners without signaling, especially when pedestrians who are waiting to cross could have done so if only they knew you wanted to turn.

You are a mega asshole if you drive around corners without signaling, when pedestrians who are waiting to cross could have done so if only they knew you wanted to turn and it is bucketing down with rain or is freezing cold or otherwise dreadful out.


You may be an asshole if you sit on a park bench near people who aren’t smoking, and light one up yourself.

You are an asshole if you sit on a park bench near people who are eating, and proceed to light a cigarette.

You are most definitely a mega asshole if you light up a cigarette before getting all the way outside, while crowds jam the exit staircase and nobody has any means of not breathing your second hand smoke other than holding their breath.


You may be an asshole if you sneeze without putting your hand in front of your mouth when anyone else is around you.

You are an asshole if you sneeze without putting your hand in front of your mouth while in any enclosed space, such as a train or bus.

You are a mega asshole if you sneeze without putting your hand in front of your mouth while in any enclosed space, such as a train or bus, when it is crowded.

You are a multi mega asshole if you sneeze without putting your hand in front of your mouth while in any enclosed space, such as a train or bus, when it is crowded and there is fear of a pandemic.