Scene and heard

I had been aware of a huge sudden spurt in Spam mails, and 2 weeks ago, at 8:30am, I deleted the entire contents of my Spam directory. They have been coming in at over 400 per day since then. The current total is 6,425. I still get many from the future. It seems that on Monday, January 18th 2038 (*), many women will wish to meet me, and singlesnet.com will be having a free trial. I will be 80 then! Maybe I age well?

On Wednesday, April 29th 2037, Google and Yahoo will respond to a job application I will make. This is not as nice as women wanting to meet me, as it tell me that I will still need to work then, even though I will be just shy of my 80th birthday. I don’t want to be one of those people who works until he dies! Perhaps I need a job in order to pay back the various loans that were approved the previous day (April 28th, 2037)? Also on April 28th, someone is querying my resume. Perhaps I ought to ask them to send it to me. It would be nice to know what my professional life will be like for the next 30 years. It will save me going on interviews for jobs I will not get - I could apply only for those that appear on my 2037 resume.

But going back another 3 days, I am offered some free tampons. Surely I don’t have a sex change operation!!! Will they be able to introduce reproductive systems into men in the next 30 years? Come to think of it, I’m beginning to suspect that these people can't see into the future after all!

* Have you ever heard of the 2038 bug? Is this why no emails come dated for beyond Jan 18th, 2038? http://www.deepsky.com/~merovech/2038.html

I have been writing this for about 10 minutes. I now have 6435 spam mails! I will update this when I have reached the full 30-day life of the folder. After that, Yahoo starts to cycle off the older mails.

I have read that the FDA have now approved the use of phages, another name for live viruses, to be used as sprays on our food supply. Scientists have one that will kill listeria and are researching others that will kill E. coli and salmonella.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/10/07/eveningnews/main2072438.shtml

Should we rejoice at the new safety in our food? For me this is even worse than the McDonalds cooking directive to their staff – that burgers should be cooked at a certain temperature for a certain minimum time, in order to kill the bacteria from the faecal matter contained therein. My preference would be that they spend some time and money cleaning the shit out of their burger meat, rather than cooking it ‘safely’, killing the germs! (Ah! And you just thought their burgers just taste like crap! You didn’t realise that they actually contain it?!!!).

At least McDonalds are killing the bacteria in their meat with heat. To kill them with viruses is so incredibly risky!! Viruses mutate. This year’s flu virus will be something else next year, so I repeat: VIRUSES MUTATE!!!!!! They are going to spray this stuff onto our food supply so that we no longer need worry about food poisoning from these sources. Now if they had stringent cleaning and detection processes, we wouldn’t have to worry about food poisoning OR the effects of (mutating) viruses being introduced into our food supply. Do these scientists or the FDA know how the viruses will present themselves in 20 years, for example? Might these viruses develop more sophisticated culinary tastes? Might they even create diseases of their own?

Be afraid, people! Be very, very afraid! And insist that the foods so sprayed are marked accordingly if this madness does come to market, so that you may choose if you want to buy it. And don’t doubt that money will triumph over common sense – it usually does.

Scientists, in the employ of pharmaceuticals, are being paid to engineer organisms which Nature’s own defence mechanisms may have prevented from naturally occurring. Perhaps Nature, which naturally evolved Sickle Cell as a deterrent to Malaria, thus proving that her own cures may not always be benign, was right in not allowing deterrents to the common organisms which cause us food poisoning? Could it be, that in time, the cure will prove far worse than what is seeks to eradicate?

I feel it almost inevitable that these Scientists will not stop tampering with the natural order of things until they stumble across something that will ultimately prove far more devastating to Humanity than anything we have ever seen. Who is to say that this isn’t it?

Tazo ‘Awake’ black tea, is decent if overpriced. I purchased a box when I forgot to replenish my supply of PG Tips at my office. On each individual tea bag wrapper, you will find the following: “Imagine finding yourself on a lush tea estate in India around the turn of the century……” I actually doubt that it would have changed too much in the last 7 years! If, however, they really mean the turn of the 20th century, I would choose not to find myself there. The idea of being the Sahib waited on by people who were likely looked down upon by those who would be my hosts, is quite repugnant to me!

Yesterday morning, a lot of people were handing of leaflets titled “Act now to stop the genocide”. The leafleters were asking that people call Fidelity and “demand they divest from PetroChina and Sinopec”, alleging that approximately 70% of oil revenue there goes to the Sudanese military, thus funding the genocide. (If you are interested in learning more, go to www.DivestForDarfur.org).

I confess I haven’t investigated these claims, so am in no position to agree with or deny them. The reason for the title of this post is one of the people who unfortunately shared the elevator ride with me up to the 21st floor here at 14 Wall Street. He took great offence at the leafleters and was cursing up a storm about how they were wasting their time: “Who gives a flying fuck? ….If they want to help people, let them feed the poor right here in America!” He ranted loudly, all the way up. His colleague, who had not said a word, changed the subject as they exited.

This was a man with some education. Further proof (again, if you needed more,) that education does not preclude ignorance. If somebody comes from an insular place, has no education and is never around anyone who can teach them better, ignorance can be excused. But here in New York? No excuses! Nothing annoys me more in this world than educated ignorance. And this was the worst example of it that I have encountered in some time.

I hate the commercials for Dannon Activia. Something struck me as not quite right about the name of the ‘naturally occurring bacteria’ that is the active ingredient. So I did a little research:

Bifidobacterium animalis strain number DN 173 010, is one of many thousands of bacteria.in our bodies. Danone have registered it under the names of Bifidus Digestivum in the UK, Bifidus Regularis in the USA, Bifidobacterium Lactis in Canada, Bifidus Essensis in Germany and Austria, Bifidus Activo in Spain and Bifidus Imunitass in I know not where. As detailed in Wikepedia, “It is important to stress that these are not scientific names but trade names designed to sound and look like scientifically named organisms.” It goes on. I won’t. Except to say, don’t waste your money. Read this entry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bifidus_digestivum) and some of the links at the bottom of the page. Danone aren’t actually lying, you understand. They’re just bullshitting the general public. Don’t buy their crap!

During my recent apartment search, I saw a couple of great apartments and have found a really nice one right here in Bay Ridge. Washer/dryer and dishwasher in the apartment? In New York?

I saw 3 or 4 places in Park Slope – each overpriced and undersized. Obviously, some people don’t cook!

A couple of the places there and one in Astoria were Railroad apartments. OK, if the bedrooms are at either end of the apartment, they can work. But for most you have to walk through one bedroom to get to the ‘master’. Each of these ‘proudly’ featured a private entrance into the master bedroom - “perfect for roommates.” I don’t know! They may work for a family with small kids, in which case you don’t need the rear entrance; but not for me. If I need to relieve myself in the middle of the night, am I supposed to exit through the rear door, walk along a common landing carrying my front door keys, and enter through the front in order to use my bathroom? It’s either that or disturbing my kids, who are 20 and 17, or my guests.

I know these places are cheaper than other floor plans and understand why so many people move into them. What I don’t understand is why so many were built in the first place! Someone had to have the idea and pitch it. Many others had to think it a good idea, or there wouldn’t be so many. According to Wikepedia, this design was popular in
‘renaissance, baroque and classicist palaces’ Well, they may work for palaces, but for modern cramped city dwelling?

On CNN.com today, under the heading "Nugent: Gun-free zones are recipe for disaster", sufficient credence is given to this man's thoughts by putting them online. What this great sage and thinking man's icon is saying, is that "the best defense against gun violence is a gun of one's own".

OK Ted, so let me get this straight. If everyone in America owned a gun, there would be no gun violence. Right? Do you have any evidence to back up this amazing insight? Look up the figures for gun ownership and gun deaths in other countries. Oddly, statistics suggest the reverse of your theory is actually true. Who'da thunk it!!!

Some people really need to listen to what they say!

There was a time, when I couldn’t answer stupid questions with anything other than a smart-arsed (some would say obnoxious) response. Always with a smile and in good humour; I just felt compelled. Here are a few that spring to mind.

Question: “Oh! Are you still here?”

Answer 1: (Patting myself lightly, up and down, as if to check) “I believe I am. Yes!”
Answer 2: “Well actually, I left a couple of hours ago and am sitting at home right now with my feet up!”
Answer 3: “Well you’d better hope so! Because if I’m not, you’re talking to yourself!”


Question: “How do you spell your name?” (Not really a stupid question, just not very well worded)
Answer: “Correctly!”


Question: “Can you spell your name?”
Answer: “Of course I can!”

This is mostly non-Political. I’m talking commercial ideas of phenomenal stupidity or crassness which have sold. The concept here is that, whereas it took one damned fool to have the idea, he/she had to pitch it to bosses or marketers and they were so impressed, that they brought them to market.

At a time when hand held mobile phones are being banned from use by drivers, and experts point out that any phone conversations are distracting, more and more cars are now putting GPS monitors on the Drivers’ dashboard. GPS is great! But could it not be distracting for someone to concentrate on a monitor while driving? Might it be possible for the monitor to go out while the vehicle is in motion?

Along these lines, but perhaps rather worse, was the idea that found its way into some Mercedes cars a few short years back – in England, at least. Video monitors showing live TV. (Was there a DVD option?) I saw these twice while driving a bus. One time, it was tuned to a music video channel. Barely clad, generously fleshed and highly flexible hips were undulating provocatively on the screen. OK! And this isn’t going to make a guy’s concentration waver? Does Mercedes Benz give politicians free Limos? There certainly can’t be a good reason for this passing as legal!

What is going on with this guy? When Congress was Republican, he seemed like a real consensus builder and one of the only true statesmen on either party. Dare I say it, I actually liked a Republican!!!

But since power shifted, the President’s ratings plummeted to 30% and he has declared as a candidate for 2008, it’s as if he’s determined to prove that he’s really just a damned fool after all! Suddenly he’s Bush’s staunchest ally and is doing all he can to be unelectable. Events in Virginia yesterday were absolutely dreadful. What did Mr. McCain have to say?

"We have to look at what happened here, but... I do believe in the constitutional right that everyone has, in the Second Amendment to the Constitution, to carry a weapon. Obviously we have to keep guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens."

Can anyone else see what is so mind bogglingly stupid about that last sentence? Will he provide the gun licensers with crystal balls?

Just saw one of the ‘real people’ from the New York Times ad in another commercial. Turns out his day job is as Branch Manager for North Fork Bank. Or might he perhaps actually be an actor! Examples of why this commercial pisses me off, perhaps not 100% accurate, as I tend to turn off the radio or change the TV channel when it comes on:

“It’s only $3.25 a week, which is 50% off. Th. th. that’s like half off! Which is pretty crazy, right?”
“I’m not usually a call now person…”… but they’re paying me say “… Call now!”
“When it comes on a Friday, it’s like the weekend starts a day early. And everyone wants the weekend to start early, right?”
"How much would you give to have your weekend start a day early?" (How much will the New York Times give me towards my loss of earnings for starting my weekend a day early?! Delivery of a newspaper does not, a weekend make!)

(Audible sigh!) Excuse me, but the Times used to be for intelligent, thoughtful people. I’m sure it still is. But if I’m a discerning newcomer to town and I see ads aiming at shallow, suggestible imbeciles, I’m going to look elsewhere for my news! Clearly, they aren’t looking for my custom! And they aren’t going to get it unless they treat me as if I have some modicum of sense.


Edit as of July 2008. The words have changed since I last watched this through. I promise you they were right when I made the post.

460 of the 7,095 emails in my bulk folder at the time of writing, are dated in the future, including 105 from Monday, January 18, 2038 out of a total of 304 dated in the 2030’s. About 6,500 are dated in the last month. I also have one from 1971! And what is with all of the nonsense titles? Does anyone read them? On one page, I have ‘On is halsted’, ‘On is mesozoic’, 'In digest’ and ‘Be that bladensburg’. I rarely look at this folder. My question: Why can’t Yahoo, Hotmail et al block these things from even arriving in a bulk mail folder? Or perhaps zap the senders? Are they from the idiots who believe the “I made $7,000 last month working part time from home” ads? Seems like such a waste of a wonderful resource.

Footnote: In the 3 hours since writing the above, I have received 66 new junk mails! Good grief!

The Setai New York: A Condominium, A Spa, A Club. When I first saw this place on 40 Broad Street, a banner proudly proclaimed that the concept was so new, there wasn't even an English translation for the word yet! Clearly, someone finally discovered the depths of yuppie vanity, as this was too gut curdlingly superior even for them! If you might be interested in looking into these, rental prices have yet to be announced, but due to the downturn in house prices, you can now snap up one of the 526 square foot studios for $80k less than was originally asked - a mere $700,000. This excludes maintenance fees and club/spa dues. Consider though, that if you work downtown, you would save the cost of a subway token, so it really isn’t as expensive as it seems!!! (I know someone is going to think I'm being serious!)

I was very happy to see the British detainees released. I have heard all of the arguments of people who can’t know the facts, assuredly stating that a) the British were lying and had strayed into Iranian waters and b) that absolutely was not the case. I caution all that neither has done enough that they should be trusted at their word.

What really annoyed me was the part of Tony Blair’s speech this morning, where he said that we are in Iraq at the request of the democratically elected Iraqi Government! Excuse me? While I absolutely agree that ships which might potentially be carrying weapons that would fuel the fire should not be given a free run to do so, it is the allies who turned a spark into a fire in the first place – and we were NOT invited to do so. The ‘democratically elected government’ of Iraq may want us there now to protect them, and may indeed be entitled to expect that we put out the flames that we lit. But to say that we are there because they requested us to be, is revisionist history of the most brazen kind.